


Better Love

by Serenityreview



Series: The Flash Oneshots [7]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, POV Third Person Limited, Reminiscing, Secret Santa, Songfic, Stargazing, mentioned westallen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-21 21:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13152864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenityreview/pseuds/Serenityreview
Summary: Written for the 2017 Eobarry Discord Secret Santa.Barry reflects on his relationship with Eobard.





	Better Love

**Author's Note:**

> I got Wilfrida for the 2017 Eobarry Discord Secret Santa and I picked the songfic prompt. The song I used is Better Love by Hozier. I rearranged the lyrics so the story flowed better. 
> 
> Also shout out to both Metatron & UnknownSatellite84 for making stargazing into such a romantic activity in my mind. And a thank you to bisexuowl for helping me with brainstorming for this fic! 
> 
> Posted early because moving sucks.

_I once kneeled in shaking thrill,_  
_I chase the memory of it still,_  
_Of every chill_

 

Barry remembered the first time he ran with super speed. He remembered feeling terrified and confused but also loving it. He loved having super speed. He loved being the _impossible_. Barry loved having this relentless energy inside of him pushing him to move, to run. _(Run, Barry, run.)_ The Speed Force, that’s what _he_ had called it, this thing that was shared between all speedsters. But _he_ was the first speedster Barry had ever met. Barry knew _him_ even before he knew what a speedster was. Maybe that’s why he will always feel more connected to his Reverse than to other speedsters.

 

  
_Chided by the silence of the hushed sublime,_  
_Blind to the purpose of the brute Devine,_  
_But you were mine_

 

‘Dr. Wells’ was always so concerned with Barry’s wellbeing and his progress. He was always pushing Barry to be better, to run faster. He never once doubted Barry’s abilities. He only ever questioned Barry’s resolve. The unwavering support Barry had from his idol was overwhelming. It was probably why he fell for ‘Dr. Wells’. Looking back on it, Barry can see that the constant pushing was an early warning sign. It was nice though, to know that he had _Harrison Wells_ behind him every time he went out into the field. _(To have the person you admire the most tell you what a good job you did. Who could have resisted that?)_ Now that Barry knew the truth about Eobard, he couldn’t help but wonder what the other man thought of their first kiss.

It was a chilly and uneventful night. Barry couldn’t sleep. He had too much pent up energy so he went for a run around the city. He stopped a mugging, a bike thief, and helped a kitten that got stuck in a fence. He eventually ended up at STAR labs. It was probably the runner’s high but Barry was struck by a sense of euphoria at the sight of his idol sitting in the cortex, his eyes fixated on the gadget he was tinkering with. _(Barry wondered if Eobard had felt his arrival and simply didn’t react or if he was so absorbed in his task that he didn’t notice Barry’s entrance.)_ He rushed up to ‘Dr. Wells’ and kissed him on impulse. He should have known right then and there that ‘Dr. Wells’ was not who he said he was. The kiss was electric, full of unspoken power but he was too busy apologizing to the man for kissing him so suddenly to analyze the kiss properly.

‘Dr. Wells’ looked a bit flustered by the kiss but he reassured Barry that he wasn’t angry. He was just surprised and would like a bit more warning the next time.

“The next time?” Barry blushed, still embarrassed by his own rashness. 

Eobard smirked, “I do hope there will be a next time or do you just go around kissing people at random?” 

Barry blushed harder, “N-no, I don’t - this isn’t -”

“Oh Barry, I’m just teasing you,” laughed Eobard. “We can just forget about this if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No!” Barry objected. He didn’t want to just swept this incident under the rug and pretend it never happened.

“I like you, Dr. Wells,” he said in haste.

“I like you too, Barry,” Eobard said as he took a hold of Barry’s hands. “Shall we see where this goes?”

Barry was so shocked by the confession that all he could do was nod. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

 

 _Staring into blackness at some distant star,_  
_The thrill of knowing how alone we are,_  
_Unknown we are_

 

Sometimes Barry wondered if Eobard wanted to shout to the world he was dating the Flash the same way he wanted to shout to the world that he was dating ‘Dr. Wells’. He was so nervous when the relationship started. He never had a relationship with someone older and more established than himself before. He felt like an anxious schoolboy with his first crush. So when ‘Dr. Wells’ suggested that they keep their relationship from the others Barry agreed. Barry would have done anything ‘Dr. Wells’ asked of him. In end it was just another warning sign that he ignored. He couldn’t bring himself to regret the relationship though.

If anyone were to ask Barry what his favourite date was he’d tell them that it was his first date with Iris even though that date wasn’t all that great. If he was being honest he would admit that his favourite date involved sitting in front a large glass covered fireplace, with a glass of vintage wine by his side, staring up through a glass ceiling whilst listening to ‘Dr. Wells’ talk about the different ways various cultures divided up the stars in the night sky. The memory of it still filled him with warmth. _(On quiet nights he would run out to a good spot in the country and watch the stars and remember the way Eobard held him that night with fondness instead of disgust.)_ He wondered if his Reverse felt the same way.

 

 _I have never loved a darker blue,_  
_Then the darkness I have known in you,_  
_Honed from you_

 

After Eddie’s death, the Singularity and Ronnie’s sacrifice Barry tried to forget his relationship with Eobard. He wanted to pretend that it never happened. He thought it would be easy since no one else knew about it. They all thought he was just hurt by the betrayal of a mentor-figure. He wished that it were just that. Eobard might as well have phased his hand through Barry’s heart and ripped it to pieces. It sure felt that way afterwards. The feeling of hurt was made worse by the fact that he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It was the reason why he pushed everyone away in the aftermath. He just wanted to mourn in peace. He didn’t want to explain himself to anyone. He didn’t want them to know. He cried himself to sleep every night for two months, wishing he hadn’t fell for a lie, wishing that he didn’t love someone so cruel.

 

 _To the world and to the both of us,_  
_I confessed a longing I was dreaming of_  
_Some better love_

 

That pain was made even worse when he saw Eobard again, still in that wheelchair, still telling that lie. But his battered heart beat faster at the sight of his Reverse, like he never stopped wanting the other speedster. _Oh god,_ Barry realized in horror, _I never stopped loving him._

That trip to the past wreaked havoc on his psyche. The time wraiths nearly killed him and he still loved Eobard, not the cocky blonde that was just starting out on his career as a villain but the one that wore Harrison Wells’ face like a grotesque mask and watched over him for 15 years. It was unfathomable to him. He loved Iris. He loved Iris since he was 10. He loved Iris when she was engaged to another man. He loved Iris when she rejected his confessions of love to her. But he gave his heart away to a man hellbent on destroying him and now he couldn’t take it back. _(Love wasn’t supposed to hurt this much, was it?)_

 

 _You who's heart would sing in anarchy,_  
_You who'd laugh at meanings guarantee_  
_So beautifully_

 

Barry stared at his Reverse. They were into the second century of their rivalry. _(From Barry’s point of view anyway. Time travel is very confusing.)_ They had done this song and dance many times before. Eobard will show up unexpectedly during a crisis of some sort and antagonize Barry before seemingly dying, only to show up in time for the next fight. At some point Barry had actually begun to look forward to Eobard’s appearances. His Reverse was a welcomed constant in his chaotic life. He presence became something for Barry to hold on to. _(Speedsters have long lives.)_ He had actually gotten to know Eobard better than anyone else in his life and in turn Eobard was the only one left that truly knew him. _The Flash’s biggest fan,_ Barry couldn’t help but snicker that the thought of that.

“What are you laughing at?” Eobard demanded.

“Us,” Barry said. “Me.” 

His Reverse gave pause, “Have you finally gone mad?” 

Barry laughed, “Maybe? I don’t know anymore.”

“Shall I put you out of your misery then?” Eobard raised one vibrating hand menacingly.

Barry ignored the threat and continued, “Do you remember that night we stargazed together at your house?” 

Eobard was unsettled by the sudden question but he gave Barry a nod.

“Let’s do that again.” 

“So you have gone mad.” 

Barry smiled. He grabbed Eobard’s raised hand and entwined their fingers together and said, “I must be if I still want this after what you did to me.”

"Want wh-” the rest of Eobard’s question was cut off when Barry kissed him on the mouth.

 

 _When our truth is burned from history,_  
_By those who figure justice in fond memory,_  
_Witness me_  
  
_Like fire weeping from a cedar tree,_  
_Know that my love would burn with me_  
_Or live eternally_

 

“What was that?!” Eobard demanded as he pulled away from the kiss.

“It was a kiss.”

“I know what a kiss is!” Eobard shouted in frustration. “I want to know why you _kissed_ me!”

“Because I wanted to,” Barry answered easily. “Because I still love you.”

“That’s - ” for once the Reverse Flash seemed to be at a loss for words. Barry took it as a sign and squeezed Eobard’s hand, “Come on, I heard Venus is supposed to especially bright tonight. Let’s go find a good spot.”

 

 _There's no better love_  
_That's laid beside me_  
_There's no better love_  
_That justifies me_  
_There's no better love_  
_So darling feel better love_

Fin.


End file.
